Hockey and Hair: When surviving isn't enough and winning is everything

At 16 years of age I became a licensed hair stylist. I couldn’t just be a hair stylist…I had to be the best hair stylist.

So... what does an ex hockey champ- Theo Fleury and an ex hair styling champ- Karin Hiebert have in common besides the obvious.

• Well besides the fact that we BOTH should be DEAD- 

We both HAVE to win. We have to be the best. There is a score board~ someone's gonna win!

In May of 75’ just 2 weeks after graduating from the local school of cosmetology, I took all of my hard earned money that I had made working part time as a shampoo girl and flew off to San Francisco to attend the Vidal Sassoon Academy of Advanced Hair Cutting and Styling... 
--and when I say hard earned it was 'hard earned'- the boss -33 years of age, married and a complete pervert to the extreme was also having his way with me-I was sexually abused at home, at work, at school...it was just the way it was.- and it had been that way since my earliest memories.

~and so...the best is to keep on working. 


To be the best, or become one of the best, you need to go to the best. You need to practice being best. Practice is work. Work is practice. We do the work- to be best.

After returning home I entered my first Manitoba Provincial hair cutting competition, where I placed 1^st, amongst 30 of some of the best hairstylists in Manitoba.

Competition back then was tough: precision hair cutting was at its peak; it was the 70’s and anyone competing- new you needed to be on top of your game to win, or even place.

I recall walking off of the competition stage feeling satisfied with my work: the majority of the stylists in attendance including the other competitors were saying things like “wow, is she ever good” and “she’s good!!!”
I heard those words and felt for the first time in my life that I was “good”-

Not good at something, not good at cutting hair- although that is what they meant- what I heard was “GOOD” she is ‘good’

I had never felt good: however; winning hair shows and competitions became an addiction of sorts…I loved the feeling of being “good”-of feeling good...

There wasn’t a competition category that I didn’t enter, you name it and I competed in it. For the most part I would win. 
A few times I would only “place” a few 2nds, and 3^rd’s …and a few times, I did lose. (I would be devastated for weeks)

• I hated losing- losing meant I wasn’t good, or good enough. 

I worked hard continuously learning new skills, and creating a few of my own skills and new techniques that would give me the edge- every time I won, I needed to do even better next time. 

• I was my own competition, and at times it made me my own worst enemy.

My life has mostly been like that- if I do something I need to do it well, I need to be good.

Most likely this all stems from my childhood- of feeling like I was bad. Feeling like I wasn't good.

I had the ‘typical life’ of that of an abused child and teenager. 

• I coped in various unhealthy ways- from drugs, to promiscuity-gambling away pay cheques at the horse races, and spending money on booze and drugs.

I was a high functioning perfectionist through all of it, opening up my first hair salon at 19 years of age. 

I commuted out to New York for a number of years in the mid to late 90’s to do hair every 4 weeks, for a 2 week period…I had to do that- I ran out of competitions, and besides...if you can make it there you can make it anywhere… 
I had to make it- and did make it there.

• I have done hair for celebrities, some I still shake my head at in disbelief that I had done the hair of certain high- high profile celebs, names we all know and love-

The Winnipeg Jets hockey team became regular clients as were their wives and the visiting teams.  

I made friends with high profile people- again- that was acceptance, and confirmation that I was good- and good enough to become personal friends with them.

I am sharing this little bit about myself because I have come to realize how very similar this story is to other people’s stories of their abuse, and survival.

Today, I met Theo Fleury the ex NHL superstar and the author of “Playing with Fire” at the U of M in Winnipeg.

I listened to Theo speak about his life, about winning it all and losing it all.

He spoke about power, money and control- he might as well have been telling my story minus the 3000.00 a week cocaine habit.

Theo gave an inspiring and moving talk about life and adversity, a talk about ‘overcoming’... 

I was in a room full of people, and as Theo spoke about the statistics of sexual abuse- 
I knew for a fact that in that crowded room, I wasn’t the only one with this background and this story. 

Even though I KNEW that with every ounce of my being- I still sat there feeling alone.

• I felt like the only one who actually knew about what it was like, and what kind of life I had, and have lived- was him.

The fact is- we know there are so many like us…and we do know that we are not alone. 

• But the truth of the matter is that even when we know this, it still feels like (at times)we are the only ones.

We are not- there are more survivors of abuse than non survivors- And it’s time to tell your story.

• Be of service
• Help others
• Be honest
• Do good things

Inspire, empower and encourage others- these were Theo’s words, this was his message.

“Don’t quit before the miracle”

Thanks Theo- for sharing a part of your life and for giving us this gift of courage to continue on.

• I have a new brother, his name is Theo and we both like having trophies thrown at us.