"What's Money Got To Do With It?" Financial Abuse Can Turn Violent

Domestic Disputes and Finances:

Recent studies show that most people have a difficult time recognizing that they or someone they know are actually in an abusive relationship.

Domestic Violence and abuse doesn't always begin, or end in obvious violent behavior. Although studies show that even the mildest form of any type of abuse can, and will escalate if it is not caught or recognized as such.

Domestic disputes are about control of some sort. Be it control over who defines the relationship, who controls the finances, who controls who, what, and how.

Financial stress is a large factor these days in most arguments in the home, originating from a feeling of fear of not having enough.

Enough:: Enough money to pay the bills, enough money to do the things we want or need to do. Including not having enough money to provide the basic necessities for the family.

Even if there is "enough" there are issues around who has the control. Simply living from day to day requires money. If one person in the home requires more money than another for whatever reason there will be someone who feels cheated or will resent the other.
If a child or partner in the home (or relationship) requires medical treatment, be it a visit to the dentist for a tooth ache, or needing glasses to see, someone will usually resent that member of the family for needing more than the other, or will resent the partner for wanting and needing to provide for that member those very needs.

September rolls around and the children need school supplies, or a partner may want to return to work, requiring the need to obtain education to do so, or clothing appropriate for working outside the home, or may require other necessities to move forward in life.

The person controlling the finances fears that these costs will take away from something they might need, or want, that to them is also a necessity.
Perhaps they have an addiction of sorts, which could mean anything from the need or desire to go out with friends once a week. Perhaps they are a smoker, or they drink or abuse substances including money, and now they fear that their needs, or pleasures might have to take a back seat to someone elses needs. Basically they are not prepared to, or feel that they can or want to give up their own needs to provide for someone else.

These are a just few very basic examples of financial stress. Not every family will have these types of financial stress. Most families these days, no matter how much, or how little money is coming into the home or relationship are burdened by some sort of financial stress or, and involve financial control.

This type of situation is most common when one member of the family or partnership is the sole bread winner. The other partner who is also working to maintain and provide for the home will most often feel as though they are not giving or doing enough, mainly because they are not receiving a monetary benefit which adds to the bottom line of the financial situation.

That partner needs to ask for money or an allowance. They feel bad for having to ask, and most often the person controlling the money will want to control where the monies are going, how or why it is needed, and will often intimidate the other simply for asking.
The viscous cycle of intimidation, humiliation, and shame from both parties begins.

This is a very small part of where domestic violence can begin, or where inevitably the domestic disputes will end up.
Finances and not knowing how to deal with money, and who controls the money and the people involved started long before the relationship did.

Financial distress and witnessing financial distress growing up is most often to blame for this all too common problem in today's society. Not learning how to deal with money and not learning how to deal with emotions around money is one of the leading causes of break ups in the home.

For more information on Domestic Violence and Abuse including signs to help you recognize if you are in an abusive relationship visit;


In Winnipeg and Surrounding Area

http://www.winnipeg.ca/police/DomesticViolence/cycleofviolence.stm#powercontrol


For a List of Great Resources visit  http://www.winnipeg.ca/police/DomesticViolence/resources.stm or go to your nearest Winnipeg Police department to obtain brochures and help with identifying and help in resolving domestic disputes. You will find confidential resources there as well as a list of places in Winnipeg where you can go to get help. A doctor, or family physician can guide you as well. Don't be afraid to speak with someone. Recognizing abuse is the first sign to healing yourself, and relationships.

Don't ignore your feelings, or fears around any type of abuse or to be or become involved in a potential abusive situation.